Dear food, I miss you

We went to the lake this weekend with our friends. I got to enjoy it every now and then.

Basically, all food that went into my mouth came right back out. I felt like I had baby-induced bulimia. I was alright as long as I ate and went straight to the bathroom. I just kind of stood there and waited for it to come up. It never failed. Over the weekend, I through up 13 times. Yeah. I counted.

Today, I was dead from the moment the sun came up. I couldn't move because I was so nauseous. I finally caved and called my doctor.

I talked to the nurse and she seemed shocked I didn't call in on Friday. She said I risked becoming dehydrated and not getting enough nutrients for me and my baby.

Oops.

She hung up and talked to the doctor and called back. They called in a prescription for Zofran. It's a pill that is often prescribed for pregnant women and radiation patients... Both types often have uncontrollable nausea.

So far, it's helped me keep food down, but it hasn't stopped the icky feeling I have.

Baby, please be nice to me.

Death warmed over

I woke up this morning and didn't feel so hot. Instead of doing my normal routine and hanging out on Facebook, I opted for a movie on TV and some Saltines (breakfast of champions, right?). A commercial came on for a puppy pee pad. It's this little turf pad you can buy and put it in your house for your pup to use instead of going outside to do its business.

This.made.me.want.to.vomit.

I barely had time to get to the bathroom before I tossed my biscuits (or should I say crackers?). I threw up so hard that I peed my pants (I later learned this had a term for it: vomiss). Not exactly something to be proud of. I hopped in the shower and threw up again. I got out of the shower and threw up another time.

This was essentially how the rest of my day went. The puppy pad wasn't what caused me to throw up. I had really dived head first into the wonderful world of morning sickness. Five days since the last time I threw up... I thought I had escaped it.

At 4:30 this afternoon, I found myself praying that I would stop throwing up long enough for us to make our trip out to the lake. You see, Rusty's parents have a cabin on a lake that is about 2 hours away. We had invited our friends to go out and visit and we were leaving at 5 o'clock.

My "all day" sickness was bad enough that I had to sit in the front seat of our friends' minivan. I found myself carsick at nearly every turn. I somehow survived the two hour trip to the lake without yacking all over the dashboard.

I've heard people say at the beginning of their pregnancy, "I wish I had morning sickness so I could just feel pregnant."

No. You. Don't.

Dang it!

Yesterday, my mom and I threw a surprise party for our good friends. We had a ton of people over to my childhood home and had cake, played games, and had a bonfire. I stuck to my party beverage of choice - water - while everyone else enjoyed a few cold adult beverages.

This morning, wouldn't you know it...

I'M THE ONE WITH THE HANGOVER.

Of course, I know it's really just a baby hangover, but I'm 11 weeks pregnant... TWO weeks away from it being the end of the 1st trimester and I've only thrown up ONCE. I thought I was going to escape this trimester without the dreaded visit from Mr. Morning Sickness. Dang it!

I'm sure the piece of cake that I had for breakfast didn't help things... (Don't judge me, fool!) At least if you're going to throw up something, I learned that chocolate cake isn't so bad.

I guess I should be thankful that I went this far without morning sickness. At least it goes away in the 2nd trimester, right?

Delirious with excitement.

After spending the last 3.5 weeks worried, stressed, and severely fatigued (Hello, 1st Trimester!), we had our third ultrasound today. We had a great vacation despite the emotions hanging over us. I was lucky that fatigue was my worst problem. I only threw up once early on, but I think it was because I was so constipated (Thanks, prenatal vitamins...). Regardless, I wanted to know if the baby was okay.

When it was time for the appointment, Rusty and I brought my mom, K, and R with us. I told them to wait in the waiting room just in case I heard bad news. Actually, I wanted Rusty in there with me, but the tech told me that he'd have to wait outside. Little did I know that I would later have major issues with this tech.

She gooped me up and turned on the machine. On the screen, I a blob that was starting to look more human-like! The heart rate was at 131 bpm. I couldn't hear it, but I could see the little waves going nuts. She zoomed in and I could see the human-like blob pulsing and she said that's where the heart was.

Little was okay!

Overjoyed, I asked the tech to grab my entourage so they could see this fascinating blob that is K and R's little sibling and NanaBob's (my mom) first biological grandbaby. They came in, I pointed to the screen and the kids broke out in giggles, my mom had an ear to ear grin on her face, and Rusty looked like a weight was off of his shoulders.

We were in the clear now for a happy and healthy pregnancy!

Don't tell me that.

We had our second ultrasound this morning. They told us good news and bad news.

Part of the good news is that Rusty got to come in with me to see the blurry blob that they said was our offspring. The other good news was that in six days, the baby showed eight days growth.

We even got to see the heartbeat!

The bad news: It was barely beating. A normal baby's heartbeat is between 120 and 180 (give or take). Little (my nickname for the baby inside me) had a heartbeat of only 63 beats per minute.

We were advised to have our third ultrasound in ten days. This time, it was to determine if the heart had sped up. The doctor told us that half the time they speed up, and half the time they slow down.

I just wish they hadn't told me that last half. Not only will I be a wreck until our next ultrasound, but Rusty and I are taking K and R (my almost-7 year old stepdaughter and my 5 year old stepson) on a 3 week roadtrip. Ten days was not possible, and now I'd have a dark cloud overhanging our entire vacation. I guess I just hoped for more optimism.

My new estimated due date is February 3, 2010, so we should meet Little at the end of January or early February. I still can't believe it.

Daring to Share

We went to a White Sox game and made our announcement to the world... or at least the park. We made it on the Jumbotron!

It never dawned on me that we might miscarry. I was just too excited to share our news. We had a great time at the game and got congratulated by dozens of strangers as we walked around.

Doubt

My first appointment was today.

I walked into the office being 7 weeks and 2 days from my last visit from AF. The nurse practitioner asked me all sorts of questions about my habits, when I found out, etc. She gave me a due date of January 20, 2010.

I told her that my LMP was 4/15/09, but I just got my positive this week on day 48, when last week I had a negative on day 41.

Since most women receive their positive results when they take a test a 30 days, she seemed slightly confused as if I hadn't remembered my cycle correctly. Um. No. I remembered right. Because of the 18 day difference, she scheduled an immediate ultrasound to get the age of the baby. So far, it didn't seem as if it was even a viable pregnancy.

Rusty and I walked downstairs to the x-ray department and handed in our paperwork. After waiting a few minutes, they called my name. We walked in, but the nurse sent Rusty back to the waiting room. Apparently for STAT ultrasounds, only the patient can be in the room.

Now I'm alone, confused, and really nervous. She goops the gel on my (relatively) flat belly and begins swooshing around to find the little life inside of me.

All I see on her screen is static and a few blobs that I don't understand. She points out the gestational sac and the fetal pole. The measurements and stage of the baby tell her that instead of being 7 weeks along, I'm only 4 weeks, 5 days.

We go back upstairs to the OB's office. Instead of seeing the NP, we saw one of the three female doctors. We were told to schedule another ultrasound in a week to see if there was growth. The concern was whether the baby had stopped growing two and a half weeks ago, or if I just ovulated late.

We have our next appointment in 6 days.

Discovery.

I peed today and got the shock of my life. You see, this wasn't your everyday bathroom break. This was a day I peed on a stick (POAS) and it came up with two pink lines.

My last visit from Aunt Flo (AF) started April 15. I had taken several tests since then and they all came up as big fat negatives. A week ago, I had taken one on day 41 and got a BFN. 

Yesterday, I told Rusty that I wanted to take another test. His response: We don't need to waste $15 every time you *think* you are pregnant. Lol... famous last words. 

Today, I went against his wishes (not exactly something I'm proud of) and took a test. 

Rusty wanted to take a bike ride, and I took the opportunity to take a shower (read: POAS). While he was getting ready to leave, I hopped in the bathroom and turned on the water so he would think I was hopping right in. Instead of getting in the shower, I peed.

This time, on day 48, nearly 7 weeks after the first day of my last period, I got two pink lines before I could even get the cap on. I wasn't just pregnant, I was PREGNANT.

So now, I'm supposed to be taking a shower, Rusty had already left for his bike ride, and I'm left standing there alone holding the biggest shocker of my life. 

I took a shower with trembling knees, repeating to myself, "Oh my goodness, I'm pregnant," over and over and over. 

When Rusty got home, I called him in and pointed to the pee-stick sitting on the bathroom counter. It took him a second to understand what he was looking at. He then said with slight enthusiasm, "Congratulations," as if he was making the comment to a stranger. His next reaction was to play MarioKart on Wii for over an hour. 

I know many people wait to share the news, but we were basically 7 weeks pregnant at this point. We immediately told our parents and best friends. I waited to tell the world on Facebook until after our first appointment.

Discussion.

I'm starting this blog to discuss my pregnancy and parenthood and the highs and lows that come with it.  I often come across blogs or discussions that treat pregnancy, birth, and mommyhood as some idealistic fantasy. 

I'm here to tell the real side of what I've been through so far and the craziness that awaits me.